Lightning Bug's Butt: I talk to inanimate objects

I've recently noticed a disturbing tendency that might be gradually increasing as I grow older. Maybe it's one of those things that you only notice as you grow older; it's possible I've been doing it my whole life. All I know is that in the recent past I seem to be in the habit of addressing inanimate objects as if they were... animate. I personify normal household objects. Often with a good deal of hostility.

I'm not sure whether I'm more worried that it's a recent development or that I could have been doing it my whole life without noticing. Maybe this sort of thing starts innocently enough, say one day you lose your cell phone. If you're like me it's with you all the time, so when you can't find it panic starts setting in. While your mind is busy trying to figure out where your body left it last, your body starts doing what it should do when a dear friend like cell phone goes missing: calls it.

"Cell phone! Where the heck did I leave you? Get over here now!"

And so forth. If you progress from there you may reach a point, like I did the other day, where you angrily inform an old lady's walker that it is without a doubt "a menace to society." To be fair, this is probably not true. That walker probably did a lot of good for its owner, but the thing pinched my finger and wouldn't let go! And it refused to be stacked properly like all the other luggage. So after being on the wrong end of the annoying stick from that thing for too long, my emotions got the better of me and i let loose.

To me the funniest thing about this was my choice of insult at that point in time. Insulting an actual person by calling them a menace to society is odd enough. For an old lady's walker, it borders on being... pretty weird. I guess the moral of the story is don't cross me if you're an inanimate object, cause I have a sharp tongue.