Sewer Adventures

We just stayed in Listowel, Ontario, which is a cute little town a couple hours outside of Toronto. Two nights ago we went on a walk and discovered a canal, with super high concrete walls. This canal disappears into a tunnel, which our friend Tyler told us went underneath the entire town. It's usually a river, but the lack of rain had pretty much dried the river up.

So we decided that the next day we would explore this tunnel. The next evening we went out. We brought a canoe to see if we could put it in further upstream and canoe down, but the river was too dried up, so we walked down the riverbank towards the tunnel/canal. Tyler had a headlamp on and rope slung over his shoulder. Finn had a police-style flashlight. On the way to the tunnel we passed the hospital, which had some construction happening, and i found a solid metal pipe. The guys didn't like me carrying it around, cause the tunnel was right by the police station, and they figured it looked suspicious. I thought we looked suspicious enough anyways and I wasn't about to part with my pipe. There's nothing like getting up to no good with a bunch of guys in a small town, and carrying a metal pipe. It makes me feel hilarious and macho at the same time.

So we found a place to scale down the canal wall, there was some sort of thing on the wall that made it easy to climb. We walked down into the darkness of the tunnel and it was awesome. I love that feeling of excitement as you go into something dark and unknown. We explored all the way to the end, threw rocks around, and checked out the little sewer things that fed into the tunnel. The echoes in there were amazing. We did some nice accapella harmonies with hand claps and metal pipe percussion. That combined with the scattered reflections of the flashlights off the water made a very spooky effect.

The tunnel wasn't as long as we were expecting, and when we finally climbed out of the canal, we were invigorated and still looking for excitement. With my metal pipe still in hand, we bandied around some ideas, ranging from climbing the police station to petty vandalism, but we soon started playing with the pipe and the rope. Jer had the idea that we could make a zip line out of it; you could hold onto the pipe while it slides down the rope. To me this sounded like an amazing idea that was obviously too crazy and unsafe to actually attempt, but I was underestimating the company i was with. Finn immediately volunteered.

We first rigged the rope up from one side of the canal to the middle of a bridge over it. The bridge was higher than at the side, enough that we didn't think Finn would get stuck in the middle or anything. But it was high up. It was over a river, but remember this river was not deep enough to canoe in. With rocks. And the sides were completely dry. With rocks. I was concerned about how safe this was. Luckily, once we had rigged the rope up, we realized that a slight curve in my pipe meant that it didn't slide freely along the rope when the rope was taut, it was too tight. Me and Jordan went back to the hospital construction site to find a better pipe. We ended up having to actually climb the fence into the site, which of course we did with as much stealth as we could muster. The best thing we could find was a solid, heavy, lead pipe.

By the time we got out of the site the other guys had followed us upstream, where there was no longer a canal, just the mostly dry river bank. We decided to try the zip line here first, where we could test it out under somewhat safer conditions. A foot bridge and a tree at the side of the river offered perfect anchor points, and here the drop was only 15 feet, onto grass that sloped quickly but gently into the river. It seemed much safer than the canal.

When the rope was strung up and Finn almost ready to take off, the other guys held onto his pants so he could position himself properly on the edge of the foot bridge. I headed off the bridge and down the slope so I could spot him underneath, just in case the unthinkable happened. But what could happen? Tyler guaranteed his knots with his life, the rope was strong although a little thin, and the lead pipe was solid enough.

Well as I headed down the slope I saw Finn launch off onto the zip line, except instead of following the direct path of the rope from the bridge to the side of the river bank, he followed a curvy path that was more in line with the forces of gravity. He didn't really look like he had been on a zip line at all, he basically fell sideways 15 feet to the riverbank below, where he landed directly on his side and rolled down the bank, making noises that were something in between grunting and screaming. The general idea he was conveying to me was pain. As I rushed down the bank after him he came to a stop with his leg and arm bent behind him. I thought he had broken something for sure, and wondered what we were gonna do for a bass player. The good news was that we were right by the hospital!

In the end, Finn was OK. The whole thing winded him a lot, and he was in a great deal of pain. We waited at the hospital with him, and saw him get wheeled away on a bed for x-rays. Nothing was damaged. He was happy about a hot nurse taking care of him. Today he went back to give them a urine sample, and they found some blood in it, but every thing seems OK. We were pretty lucky he wasn't more seriously hurt. Apparently the lead pipe, which must have weighed at least 25 pounds, landed inches from his head.

I should also quickly describe the house we stayed at in Listowel. When we walked in, I immediately sensed that something was not right, in the sense that the house seemed to be trying to get away from me. It was tilting. It evened out as I walked through, and then tilted back towards me as I got to the other side. It was an old house, and had significantly sunk in the middle. Significantly. The end result was that I kind of felt like I was on a rolling ship the entire time I stayed there, except without the constant motion.

Tour is fun.